Traumatic Stains Project INDY

Imagine 1 year from now, the best, most polished, talented, and successful version of you sitting across from your computer screen. who do you imagine?  what does she have? where does she live? what has she accomplished? what has she mastered and what has she managed to put behind her? what has she healed and what does she give? what makes her laugh, and what continues to trigger her?

can you imagine being her, becoming her?

Think you cant do it?

Then you cant.

think you can, believe you can, and you can do anything. 

As cliche as this sounds, and you may have heard it a million times, i wanted to make a photo piece on how much power this statement really holds, and how i have had the privilege to live it to some degree. Chronic sadness has this overpowering ability to make us feel like there is no possible way to move forward and we are stumped by our own self-doubting thoughts and feelings. Although depression can make you feel stuck where you are, there is a power you can wield right now to overcome a little bit of the strong and successful woman that lives inside of you. and when you see a glimpse of her, im sure you wont let her go.

There may have been small decisions in life that you decided to overcome because you hit a threshold of how much pain you were willing to bear. For example knowing when to put your foot down with an annoying coworker or extended family member. This is the same power that you can use with yourself.

Your spirit truly is unstoppable, only when you decide that nothing, no matter what it is, is going to get in your way, not your depression, not the obstacles you face, or what people think of you, ultimately your life will be shaped by who you decide to be, rather than what happens to you. know that it is your decisions and not your conditions that mould your destiny!

Making this photo provided a sense of comfort for me since it displays quite perfectly the feeling of being trapped inside an aching body. As interesting as it would be to actually be underneath a frozen river, and be able to photograph it, unfortunately it didn’t happen! to answer a common question, this was all done in photoshop.

Imagine not getting 2 nights of sleep, perhaps staying up to study, not eating much, a constant migraine, muscle pain in every part of your body (no exceptions!) down to your the webs between your fingers, and the sides of your body, bones and surface of your skin. Have you actually imagined this yet? Now imagine this pain doesn’t go away after 3 days of pampering, exercising, and sleeping in, it doesn’t feel better after you wake up, or when you lie down in bed. im pretty sure you’d be on your way to nearest clinic!

but what if they do tests and cant come up with a reason for the pain? They send you home with the wave of a hand and you suffer in pain for another week?.. month? YEAR?

This is chronic pain disorder. And pain is NEVER for no reason.  I remember speaking to a wonderful friend of mine who said, ‘if i dont pick a day and time to hide and cry my eyes out, and scream the pain out of my heart, my shoulders and neck will punish me for weeks.’ Depression, and the effects of trauma on the body are not emotional or phycological challenges to overcome, pain manifests itself physically in the body, when there is no outlet for the burden on the soul. Being trapped in your own body because of pain from moving, or staying still makes it almost impossible to do anything. imagine when moving to get out of bed becomes one of the hardest things you do in your day, the pain making you immobile and leading to even more fatigue, and the difficulty to carry out regular tasks like showering, cooking, sitting in class, studying or simply taking a walk.

Most people dont understand Chronic Pain, and unfortunately find it very easy to slap clinical labels on anything that we feel. It provides a sense of belonging for sure, but there is a difference between acting a certain way because of a disorder, and having a disorder because of the what you have been through. for example having fibromyalgia because of pain, or having pain because of fibromyalgia. People rarely ever have pain because of fibromyalgia, it is completely a disorder caused by emotional pain, and the lack of healing sets up physical, inexplicable alarms in the body, that MAKE you focus on the inner pain you need to be addressing.

Chronic pain is a very hard thing to describe to those not suffering from it. People in your surroundings may become annoyed very easily and become desensitized to your pain. Fibromyalgia is debilitating at times. Widespread body pain with no apparent reason or no cause found through medical testing, can not only make you feel helpless, but horribly setback from regular day to day activities.

everyone’s Fibromyaligia is different. I recently met a sister whose fibromyaligia caused large cysts and knots to develop in the muscle tissue of her arms, and back. Another sister developed such fragile bones, anything from cold weather and a a slight angle in positioning her legs and feet while sitting in a chair would cause extreme pain in her knees that would travel outwards. Some of the pain people have described is baffling, very odd, a collection of random symptoms that dont fit together; such as nerve pops that travel through the arm and chest triggered by eye movements, while pain and pressure in the uterus make it difficult to walk. Dizziness accompanied by pain in the hips and knees, back and shoulders, collarbones and finger joints. I also know a sister who learned how to write with both right and left hands since holding a pencil for a few minutes would cause pain in her wrists and arm joints. Insomia and anxiety are almost always underlying causes, or common co-existing issues, that make it even harder to treat.

When in persistent emotional pain, the body activates the flight or fight response in an attempt to help itself. But there is no physical outlet for this response so it internalizes, and the body attacks its own immune system, giving rise to many physical issues that are not usually not related to each other.

in a way, Chronic Pain Disorder’s are a blessing; the sister who developed knots in her muscles told me; ‘whenever i’m in pain, i feel like allah loves me, and i call on him, i ask him to forgive me for my sins. i mean no-one understands the pain except him’.

Its debilitating and hard to explain, but the least you can do about someone who is in pain is be compassionate, and sensible. In the spirit of informing those who wish to understand: These are some things that can help you to understand, and help, people who suffer from, often debilitating, chronic pain.

1. Chronic pain sufferers have experienced pain from 6 months to many years. Pain has caused them to adopt coping mechanisms that are not necessarily reflecting the real level of pain they feel. Respect that the person who is in pain is trying their best, by doing things that make them happy, (hobbies, skills, activities, etc.). When the chronic pain sufferer says they are in pain – they are! support them with the things that they do to help them cope.
2. Look for the signs of pain: grimacing, restlessness, irritability, mood swings, wringing of hands, moaning,sleep disturbance, teeth grinding, poor concentration, decreased activity, and perhaps even writing down suicidal thoughts or language.
3. Don’t be put off by the sufferer’s attempts at distracting you; be persistent. It may seem odd that they want to hide their pain, but it could be that they dont want to constantly gain pity, chronic pain sufferers can speak in code or make lighter of their pain than is the reality. The next best thing that you can do is to listen to them properly, and to make it clear that you both want to hear what they have to say and that you really have heard it. Use your listening skills to decode what they’re hiding or minimizing.
4.  Understand and respect the chronic pain sufferer’s physical limitations. i CANNOT TSRESS THIS ENOUGH! Being able to stand up for ten minutes, vacuuming, or sitting on the ground may be an easy task for you, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that the sufferer can do it. Being caring and not making them feel under pressure to perform regular tasks easily goes a long way in helping them heal. The sufferer may not know, from day-to-day, how they are going to feel when they wake up and each day has to be taken as it comes. In many cases, they don’t know from minute to minute. That is one of the hardest and most frustrating components of chronic pain.
5.  Leave your “pep talk” mode for your kids and your gym buddies. Realizing that chronic pain is variable, keep in mind that pep talk can be aggravating and demoralizing for the chronic pain sufferer. As already noted, it’s quite possible (for many, it’s common) that one day they’re able to walk to the park and back, while the next day they’ll have trouble getting to the next room. Therefore, it’s vital that you don’t fall into the trap of saying: “But you did it before!” or “Oh, come on, I know you can do this!” If you want them to do something, then ask if they can and respect their answer.
6. Get over the need to simplify pain in order to make them feel better, or give platitudes about the value of exercising, fresh air, and eating healthy. For a chronic pain sufferer, “getting out and doing things” does not make the pain vanish and can often exacerbate the problems. Telling them that they need to do specific things to “get their mind off of it”, may frustrate them to tears, and is not correct advice, especially if you’re not medically trained and haven’t got a clue. If they were capable of doing some things any or all of the time, they would!
7. Remember that chronic pain sufferers are constantly working with doctors and striving to improve and do the right things for their illness. They know more than you!  dont  ”You just need to push yourself more, try harder”. You can’t always read it on their face or in their body language. Also, chronic pain may cause secondary depression adding to their primary trauma. (wouldn’t you get depressed and down if you were hurting constantly for months or years?)
8. Never use throwaway lines. Assuming you know best by making such statements as “Ah well, that’s life, you’ll just have to deal with it”, or “You’ll get over it eventually. Until then, you’ll just have to do your best”, or worst of all, “Well, you look well enough”,” you dont look sick” etc., are lines that might make you feel done and dusted with the topic but they are both a form of distancing yourself from the person and making the sufferer feel worse and out of hope.
9.  Check your own patience. If you’re impatient and want them to “just get on with it”, you risk laying a guilt trip on the person who is suffering from pain and undermining their determination to cope. They probably have the will to comply with your requests to go out and about with them but have neither the strength nor the coping capacity as a result of the pain. If you are able, always remember how lucky you are, to be physically able to do all of the things that you can do.

   Be very understanding if the chronic pain sufferer says they have to sit down, lie down, stay in bed, or take these pills right now. It probably means that they do have no choice but to do it right now, and it can’t be put off or forgotten just because they happen to be somewhere, or they’re right in the middle of doing something. Chronic pain does not forgive, nor does it wait for anyone.
10. Don’t be put off if the chronic pain sufferer seems touchy. If that’s the appearance, it’s probably because they are. It’s not how they try to be. Just try to understand. It wreaks havoc on the body and the mind. It is exhausting and exasperating. Almost all the time, they do their best to cope with this, and live their lives to the best of their ability. Just accept them as they are.
11. Be helpful. The chronic pain sufferer doesnt want to depend on people who are not sick to support them at home or visit them when they’re too sick to go out. But that doesnt mean they dont need help with shopping, cooking, or cleaning. They may need help getting to the doctor, or to the store. You can be their link to the “normalcy” of life. You can help them keep in touch with the parts of life that they miss and desperately want to undertake again.