“The only pain that can be avoided is the pain that comes from trying to avoid unavoidable pain. To heal, our souls need to grieve. And a nurturing part of that is telling our story, connecting with others”
Are you dead yet? Death is the only ultimate end. When can you ultimately stop trying? So long as you are alive, and not in your grave, you can seek Allah’s Help, seek forgiveness,make a difference, change and strengthen. we MUST find ways to move on.
Meet Sophia
As her sedative weakens, cold sheets greet her as Sophia tries to open her eyes puffy and red. She wakes up to the familiar smell of tears and blocked sinuses. The same walls, the same air. The sun never tires of coming up each day. Bleakly she looks around feeling the same dread settle into her chest where something throbs with tender loudness. Memories flood her mind and play behind her wet eyes. Anxiety grips her as her body begins to shake and tears begin to swell in her eyes again. She wonders when or whether the twisting and churning hurt writhing inside her core will ever end. Whether what’s broken within could ever be stated or heal. Wether the Stains from the pain will ever cease to reignite the trauma. Desperate to overcome whatever this is, she knows she must get up and busy herself until evening. Im still alive, and so long as i am, my only option is to try. Allah sees my every efforts. So one day at a time she tells herself.
Years have gone by and this is just part of her now.
This sequence of emotional events manifesting themselves physically, are a common occurrence in Sophias life. When waking up, in the shower, at work, at an event where there is only joy around her, with family, eating, driving, alone or surrounded with people. At times debilitating and making her dysfunctional, she tries to continue the difficult task of keeping herself alive, having survived the opposite, and knowing her deen is against it. How does she maintain her faith, cut back the criticism and judgement and keep her heart pure for those around her?
It is here that you will find my story and parts of yours as well. And buoyantly we can join our intuitions and find a way to heal our pain.
I ask Allah Subhanahu wa Taala to bless you, guide you, not leave you to yourself even for the blink of an eye. May Allah Subhanahu wa Taala protect you, preserve you and reward you in a way you can never imagine. Ameen.
Cool! That’s a clever way of lokoing at it!
Bismillah & Salamu Aleykum ,
My story is quite common and among my friends most of them have experienced the same, from a very early age my protector did not protect me, instead he did something that would impact every relationship I would ever have, he raped and molested me from the time I was 6 until the time I was 11, yes that is right, my protector was my father but he did not protect me, nor did my mother, or the countless others who never saw the signs of abuse, but I am getting on a different subject, it is not about them anymore, they are not part of my life anymore, it is about me, because I am still part of my life.
Many of my friends have been through counseling, not me.. I suffered in silence, well not exactly in silence, Lets say I suffered in meditation and with Allah helping me through it.
You see I tried many times to get help for what has happened to me, turned to friends, doctors, spouses and there was just nothing they could do to take this pain away, their words were monotonous, almost as though they were reading from a manual, even the compassion they gave could not heal my heart, so I gave up and tried to end it all, of course this was prior to me finding Islam which is what I am getting to now.
I met my knight in shining armor (actually it was a silver Camero) He was a Muslim man, who’s family treated me like gold, he was the polar opposite of my father so I couldn’t be happier, As I visited his family I started to learn about their religion, I was given an English Quran by his brother. I didn’t read it, just put it on my shelf to read later, I was too busy living life, finding ways to forget the trauma I suffered, until one day I fount out, the man who I loved and who I took as my protector betrayed my trust, I couldn’t handle any more betrayal so I intended to kill myself, I went to my bedroom, and on my shelf where my medication was, sat the Quran, I said to myself, well, I guess I have nothing to lose and picked it up and opened it straight to Surah Al Baqarah Ayat 286
“On no soul doth Allah Place a burden greater than it can bear. It gets every good that it earns, and it suffers every ill that it earns. (Pray:) “Our Lord! Condemn us not if we forget or fall into error; our Lord! Lay not on us a burden Like that which Thou didst lay on those before us; Our Lord! Lay not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Blot out our sins, and grant us forgiveness. Have mercy on us. Thou art our Protector; Help us against those who stand against faith.”
I immediately fell to my knees and started sobbing, The lesson I learned that day, and continue learning is that Allah is my protector, even when others fail, Allah is the one who will never fail.
Assalamu Alaykum Dear sister,
i am in tears after reading your comment, and my heart is aching for you.
To a degree i can relate to you and i am sure many others on this site can relate much more. i am proud of you for reaching out and speaking. that is what i encourage on this site as part of healing. i am super super happy that you found something or another (this verse) that started your healing. It is hard to be stuck for that many years and not know what healing will feeling like. we are on this journey together, and i pray from the bottom of my heart that your healing will take on a level that neither of us can fathom at this time.
with love, please stay connected.
Hafsa
Jazzak Allahu Khayr sister, I hope that any sister who is guided to this sight, (as we know Allah puts everything in our path with a purpose) will know they are not alone. It is possible to heal from trauma, it is possible to love ones self after enduring so many things that cause pain.
We may not always have the highest self esteem, it is like a roller coaster, but as Muslims the one thing that will never ever fade, is our self worth Alhamdoolilah :-)
i love your attitude. stay strong and stay connected.
Being Muslims we are blessed knowing that Allah places trails in our lives, and tests us at the same time rewarding us for having patience. I am like this sister. Living with some difficulties, and trying to over come them the best way I can. I am thankful that Allah gives us hope. We have each other, as long as we let our guards down and express how we feel. We are all going through the same stuff. LETS TALK LADIES! We can overcome it together! Post your comments. It just might help a sista out.
Alhamdullilah that youve found a place to relate. allah does give us each other. i invite you to talk away, be strong <3
That’s an ingnoeuis way of thinking about it.
Deadly accurate answer. You’ve hit the blulesye!
Love your blog. It’s very inspirational, mashAllah very thoughtful and creative. Look up the awesome work!!
Raeesa
I meant keep up the great work :)
Jazak Allah Khayr, please share.